...and so it was fated

Shocking confession at the very end of the year of 2010.

THE FACTS Krisz and me go our own ways. We live apart even since May. Believe it or not, I’m a single woman more than half a year and do everything all by my very self. I did not have enough spirit to speak about it just by now and even the people nearest to me (relatives, colleague) did/do not know because I didn’t show any indication, I couldn’t give any sign of this bad break. Inglorious failure, dirty fuckup – I mean, dirty linen which shouldn’ t been washed in public. The time elapsed was enough (was it?) to set my heart at rest, to compose myself spiritually.

THE OCCASION Who knows me, knows very well that I never come to a decision groundlessly. And I’m not a hothead. This was my most meaningful decision I ever made, which was maturing in my mind for years. Occasions and events came and went that kept us always busy and took our mind off our problems. I would have had another baby by the time Dominik turned 3. But it was just a plan – one among many. A plan that must proceed gingerly. There were some simple but so much the more important questions in the wind to which I tried to find the answers. Consideration followed by reconsideration time and time again…

Hope, you can read between the lines and understand me. I have never thought that this may happen to me ever. Not even in my dreams. However things may turn out, I needed to take this step.

By the age of 30

I decided even in the year of 2009 that I leave no loose threads in my life by the age of 30. Mission completed.

Round the second last candle

Well done! Plan executed. The house shines clear and is ready to be the scene of celebration thanks to my great and only help, Dominik. Although I prepare for these holy days throughout the year, the final spurt is in December. Sometimes it’s not easy to carry out all my conception over the daily routine and additionally, clearness and orderliness are primarily important for me. Great achievement, regarding the size of the house, the time available and my maximalism according to which all nooks and corners must shine. Sorry for making you tired with my police, but everything begins with it for me.
Santa misteriously came and went, left behind some sweets and toys, the list of wishes was long. Pending the little Jesus' arrival, the Advent Calendar and other festive activities keep us entertained and make easier to wait and count down the nights we still have to sleep.

November Sketch

I changed tactics this year regarding the festive preparations. I don’t want to find myself more dead than alive under the Xmas tree. I want to finish with the neccessary big cleaning by the end of November and want to spend time only with the most pleasant parts of the preparations together with Dominik in December. Upon this consideration I’m planning to buy the presents only in December enjoying the Xmas crowd knowing that everything is ready for Xmas at home or at least the final touches should left. I never succeed until now but I never aspire to do it knowingly.
Actually, I realized that Xmas itself means not that 1-2-3 days of the year – ever so much rather the preparations. Advent season is obviously good for putting ourselves in tune.

Martin-day in the kindergarten
All the children of the institution with parents made a procession around the kindergarten with tea-lights in little hands on a starry skied Friday evening. A beautiful horse jogged along at the head of the procession with knight Martin on its back. We marched in the midst of singing straight to the garden of the nursery which was brilliantly illuminated thanks to the numberless candle hanged up to the fence and the artisticly carved jack-o’lanterns. Mulled wine, warm tea, bread and dripping and salty cakes increased the good humour. Unfortunately, no photo was taken because my camera did not work at that evening...
Springlike weekend in the country
Another salami making in the country – mixing the wild with domestic meat. I enjoyed the springlike sun and the zephyr on my skin while cycling through the plain. Some self-forgetting moments to refill myself.

Kányádi Sándor: Valami készül

Elszállt a fecske,
üres a fészke,
de mintha most is
itt ficserészne,
úgy kél a nap,
és úgy jön az este,
mintha még nálunk
volna a fecske.
Még egyelőre
minden a régi,
bár a szúnyog már
bőrét nem félti,
és a szellő is
be-beáll szélnek,
fákon a lombok
remegnek, félnek.
Valami titkon,
valami készül:
itt-ott a dombon
már egy-egy csősz ül:

Nézd csak a tájat,
de szépen őszül.

Ready For Fall

We slowly become accustomed to the chilly mornings and had the new warm garments and footwear in. Dominik slowly gets used to the kindergarten and I slowly assimilate regarding my new job. We’re ready for fall. This is not the most joyful time of the year but it has its own beauties.
Dominik enjoys the new stage of his life which is more exciting and gives him more independence/freedom of action. I think we managed to „promote” the institution very well in advance. He was eager to go and said to me on the third day that he liked to go to the kindergarten and wanted to try the little bed yonder. He has a best friend from the very beginning, he is Csabi and his full name is „Rázga Csaba”. I got it from him. I didn’t know him until one morning. They laughed at each other impishly without saying a word while taking off the coat and changing the shoes. I asked Dominik who that boy was over there and he whispered the answer: „Csabiii!” As I thought… Ágota néni and Orsi néni do their best for all the 32 children who attend the mini group.

Summer End(s)

Summer is slowly over and we weren’t on our usual holiday. On one hand because of my new workplace. Trial period is 3 months, during which the newly employed is not allowed to go on holiday or to make a day off. This period is a big trial for everyone. Mainly considering a child-mother relationship. To tell you the truth, my heart breaks every single day. This is not the way I wanted to choose. But sometimes we need to give up our dreams and to change our plans in order to find our feet.
The so-called summer holiday was crushed into a single long weekend in the country: visiting relatives linked with bathing, flower carnival in Debrecen and a fair in Hortobágy. I had much more delightful summers before and hope much more memorable ones has the future in store for us hereafter. BUT as my manner is to make out the utmost from this season, we were to discover and utilize the local possibilities and make the best of our reduced time spent together. Quality of time became much more important. Such as pre-planning (eg. what to cook, when to cook, how and when to get the ingredients, who to pick up Dominik, when to arrange operational affairs…). I’m running against clock again and try to fulfil my commitments on every walk of life and relish the last rays of the afternoon sun after work on the way to my car to the parking area.

Over 3 years

I hardly can go beyond the title. Three years passed, the little baby boy grew into a little boy fully ready for nursery. Three years crying and laughing but always having the very best for him in sight. Maybe far too much.
On the whole, we can say that he has a feeling heart and besides numerous great features he rises above the average in some of them (as I see as a mother who has a soft place in her heart for her son): emphaty/symphaty, having respect for the others and other’s belongings, attention, orderliness, carefullness, patience and calmness. According to his godfather’s opinion Dominik also displays a taste for balls. Some guy!

Dominik is on Holiday

I’ve just dried my last teardrops. I have to miss my little son for a couple of days. First time to go on holiday without parents. He spend some time with my mother-in-law and her boyfriend at Lake Balaton. It was good to see him to be in a traveller’s fever, ready to spend some day without me.

MyPhilosophy

There are things that make me happy, spiritually. I’ve got

conceptions about a way of living, about how to lead a complete, lively life. I also have principles, according to which I usually act. Usually and not always.

These are:
- Begin to do anything, the final result must be success. If not, try to avoid to make the same mistake again.
- Be unknown the word impossible in your dictionary.
- Do anything, do it above the average, rise about the crowd.
- Aim for perfection, never give a point of attack.
- Be great at several things but in case of taking no interest in certain fields or making no sense of something at all, don’t waist more time on it.
- Do something valuable, something useful, something memorable every single day.
- Try to reach the state of mind as often as you can when you feel like hug the whole world.
- Take notice of missed trains but try to lost the least possible.

I have much pleasure in informing that I got a situation and established myself in company Y (see previous note) from 6th July. DEXON is the developer and manufacturer of advanced video wall controllers for multi-screen video display projects. I consider working here an honour and it’s important for me that I can use English every single day at all hours.

The shoe is now on the other foot

I can say that the last week was a determinant one, full of content. Some self-realization (Maslow 5), some acknowledgement (Maslow 4), some success, some self-satisfaction and a lot of experience. Experimentalism gives you self-confidence but there is need for some risk and some courage to gain them (not bad if you have encouragement as well). Big words but I was given pretty much all of them last week. Feelings that are worth being sensible of, words that are worth hearing, people who are well worth getting to know, who fill you up and give new blood to stand up and carry on. Moments to live for, that have burnt themselves into our mind. Let’s see the happenings.
MONDAY
Two job interviews in the afternoon (both through a head hunter company). The managing director recognized me on the basis of my CV at company X, because he worked with my previous company. Informal, friendly, well-succeeded conversation. He said that if I was still interested in the job, I gave them a call on Friday. I said that I could say right there and right then that I was interested in it, that’s why I was there. ”Who knows, you may get a not refuseable offer today, the offer of your dreams.”
The second interview of that day at company Y was an unexpectable success. The questioner was found out that I was over more job interviews because of my proper state of mind. That first turn was personally completed with the 2nd turn which was a great honour for me but didn’t lead me to jump to a conclusion.
THUESDAY
My first day at my new workplace at company Z. I was informed about my employment the previous Friday (no employment contract underwritten till then). Location: perfect (halfway between my parent’s house and the new nursery), working hours: perfect. Others are only for vegetating, for stagnation. It won’t be a challange. Profile and tasks are the very same as at my previous company, only in a smaller way. I have it at my fingertips. Do I want to do it or not? Am I ready for giving up certainty for uncertainty? It’s not a question.
WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY
Learning at company Z. I had to tell them my test-Friday at company Y. That announcement wasn’t received favourably and I was told that if I had more irons in the fire, they had too. They called for a girl to try by Friday. It’s correct. I had no kick coming.
FRIDAY
Trial day at company Y. Discussion of the course of the day in the morning. I was told what to do and how to do by the managing director because the trainee had a day off. Everything went smoothly, I was asked more times during the day whether everything was o.k. or if I had any question. By the way, the director gave evidence of great empathy, he tolerated my evening occupation and suggested to finish earlier.
I had a class reunion in that evening and I happen to organize it with one of my best friend from primary school. (We’ve said good-bye to the primary school 15 years ago.) Rushing home after work, quick telephone call for company X – just in time!, quick conversion, picking up the neccessary things, driving fast into the downtown to pick up one of my classmate and not forget buying some fruit (instead of home-made cakes) on the way of the class reunion. Everything was according to my plan, the evening was great, I was in a record-breaking form, I had a running brainstorm and was happy because I had a lot to speak about. Not just about wedding and child but about life and some life experience. Being on top of things makes you self-confidence. I could speak on and raise subjects, added my remarks, could start the ball rolling so that that event could be more special and remarkable. Last but not least, thank god my memory didn’t failed me (till then). Going to bed at around midnight. Oh my God, I forgot to call company Z! No matter, if it had been so important, I wouldn’t had forgotten.
SATURDAY & SUNDAY
I spent the whole weekend (2*7 hours) at Hungaroring with the caterer company with whom I work occasionally, you know. Two days on the island of calmness. And innumerable quantity of Ferrari. I have never seen such a lot racing car of high value in the same place. The famous Ferrari Team spent a couple of days in Budapest within the frame of the event called Gran Turismo Budapest 2010 and tested the Hungarian speed track just for fun. (Hungaroring is kept its place amongst the most prestigious race locations all over the world.) We provided lunch for them while staying at Hungaroring. I learnt an Italian sentence there: „Sappiamo tutto sulla tua carriera.” = I know everything about your carreer. My third (fourth) language would be the Italian, I think.
On Saturday evening Dominik has his first quite serious accident. He hurt his chin while he was dancing with Mickey Mouse. I got frightened at the sight of the flowing blood but it was needless to sew the wound.

Three is the right number, One given in addition / Három a magyar igazság, Egy a ráadás

I can’t say that nothing happens on labour market with me.
Feeding with promises, false illusions that lead you to believe that you find your job. For the third time. I hardly believe. But I’m optimist and not disappointed at all. I just draw the conclusions of my negative experiences and know exactly since then:

 Don’t swallow everything.
 Be much more careful and sceptical. Act circumspectly.
 Feel the weight of the situation but stay cool.
 Don’t trust the employer’s word (even if he says that you’re the newly employed) until he puts into writing and you sign the contract of employment.

Reviewing

First Swindle: company A made me to give my employer’s notice to my previous workplace and by the end of the notice period they didn’t need me any more. Obscureness, unthoughtful HR strategy. The whole story was detailed earlier.
Second Swindle: the procedure of the choice was through a head hunter. It was a great honour to hear the words of the questioner: "In my opinion, you should stop looking for another job. You fit in our team well." Of course, I didn’t take this statement for granted learning from Swindle One, and I didn’t enter into the spirit of a winner. Thank God, because the following day they called me to announce the final decision according to which I was not the chosen person.
Third Swindle: trial day at company C, thrill of joy (in moderation), discussion of the scope of activities but frozen athmosphere. The girl, who quit her job and would had made place for me, had irrelevant, unfriendly behaviour and gave me the cold shoulder. By the end of the day she changed her mind about her notice. They didn’t need me any more.

Mother's Day Twice

Anyukám, anyukám, találd ki,
Hogy az én nagy kincsem ugyan ki?
Ki más is lehetne, ha nem te.
Ültess hát, gyorsan az öledbe.

(Tordon Ákos - Anyák napi mondóka)

Mother’s Day is always one of the most joyful days of the year with warm feelings in heart. Celebration in the nursery (bölcsőde/bölcsi) made it more special this year. Anikó néni tought the children a cute interactive singing piece initiating the mothers in it. I’m grateful for that imperishable experience which I shall never forget it.
We registered Dominik to the nursery (óvoda/ovi) this week. I’d like him to attend the one I used to attend. Naturally, things and people changed since then but the reputation remained. We don’t belong to this nursery regionally, so we had to register the competent institution as well. Resolution will be in 2 weeks. As Dominik turn 3 in the middle of the summer, he can start in September.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

Cogito ergo sum

I hardly believe that time has passed so quickly. This is a stock phrase. There is SOMETHING on my mind for some time. If I could turn back time, I would do some things otherwise. It’s a fact. Do many of us act in the same way or is somebody perfectly satisfied with his/her path of life? Can we change our fate or is everything predestinated? Questions of this kind and similar to this occupies me. I’ll be 30 this year and a feeling got me into its power that makes me think deeply about my life till now and about the rest of it. Experience! That’s the point. Gain experiences. See life. And lead your life in such a way, if the short film of your life is shown, would be worth seeing.

***

Covering and the first separated night

Dominik is a wonderful little boy. He has to wear a covering on his eye by daily turns. Two months ago he said to me: ”Mammy, let me see!” (Anya, had lássak már!) – and took his partly covered eyewear immediately off. Last time at the ophthalmology he saw a boy with the same eyewear and from that afternoon he wears the partly covered glasses. However, the marketing of the introduction wasn’t bad (as for me). Till then he’s got his favourite cartoon heros who are wearing covering on their eyes (like e.g. Buck in Ice Age 3). My little pirate.
Little performances succeed one other in the play-school. It was an Easter piece, through the children told what was Easter about in real, and now they're preparing for Mother's Day of course. I'm afraid it won't be without tears!...
The first separated night – what a miracle! - went smoothly while we had a good time at a party. It was a business one, organized by Krisz’s workplace. Celebrities were invited to amuse the guests and to give lifelong experiences through their directness, personality and talent. The life of the party was Attila Pataki, the singer of EDDA Művek (old famous Hungarian band) who cheered in a tick and sounded pridefully their 30 jubilee with 30 albums.

All is not lost that is delayed

High time to give some signs of life. So, we’re alive and some joyful events are behind us like Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, two birthdays, a nameday and a country visitation.
Mardi Gras Season (”Farsang” in Hungarian) is the time of costume balls and masquerades. This period lasts from Epiphany (6th January) to Ash Wednesday and these cheerful feasts are for saying good-bye to the cold weather. Dominik had two opportunities to put on and have fun in his cowboy costume. Though, we cannot say he particularly liked it. The most famous carnival in Hungary is the ”Busójárás” in Mohács when local people dress in quite awful characteristic furry costumes. They make noise with different things to frighten away the winter. This tradition is originate in a legend that is about forcing out the Turks from the country under favour of the night in this way (awfully, noisily).
There is nothing worth mentioning at labour front. Meanwhile, I check up and refresh my knowledge as regard job-hunting (CV, AC) with taking part in trainings, interactive presentations, CV-consultancy, mock interviews. These are preparation days for jobseekers organized by one of the most famous university of Budapest. What’s more, I want to take part in a course from next month. Webpage creating. I’m interested in it and can take it to our profit in case of an own enterprise. In addition I started to refresh my knowledge of German on my own at home. I realized that I haven’t say any word many years since and I was in trouble when I had to have a conversation in German within the frame of a job interview. Otherwise, I like obtaining an insight into the companies on the occasion of the interviews. I can get admittance into places where I wouldn’t have possibility to get into anyway. Being familiar with different workplaces and insight into the characters of them is a great thing and can be useful in the future at the same time.
I bought my season ticket in the nearby leisure center, brought out the bicycle from the garage and I face the spring. So, I don’t laze, I try to turn this awkward situation to my advantage. :-)

Job Labyrinth

At the end of the year it seemed to me that I was a winner as regard job-hunting. Now, I feel myself like a loser. I found the job of my (present) dreams and I was employed promptly. It was a striking, highly effective, fast decision by the company. ”We make decisions in this way and you’re expected to act in the same way in return.” I was surprised but happy and knew that I’m their person. Meanwhile, it came to light that I’m still on the payroll at my previous workplace. I didn’t think of it because it’s being liquidated for years. I got in touch with the liquidating company. I needed to announce my purpose to work to my previous employer so that they could give me the sack (because of the liquidation) and I would be entitled to the sum paid as compensation for dismissal. (I wouldn’t had been entitled in case of mutual agreement or of giving my employer notice.) In this way the process is slower but much more profitable. It wasn’t a question which one to choose. I couldn’t work during the period of notice or at least till I got my documents from the liquidator. One of my eyes laughed, the other cried. I was completely ready to work but thought at the same time that was the best thing could happened. I was busy with Christmas and could arrange everything that a magical Christmas requires – in the belief that I had my workplace from January. Or rather, correcting myself, I wasn’t entirely easy about it because we took leave of each other (in the midst of great regrets) with this: they kept on finding a person for the position because it was quite urgent to fill it. In case of finding no suitable one, I got it from January. I hoped they couldn’t find a new person in a month like December. Everything turned out as I expected. Or rather ALMOST everything. The post is still vacant. The contact person said that they return to personnel questions in February and he couldn’t say anything encouraging. Why? What happened? They didn't let me in on the secret. Promising situation! To wait or to find another job? Well, what is done is done, I think I keep on looking for the perfect job that fits in perfectly with family life. I believe that if my lot in life is to have this position, I won’t miss it. Fate can decide otherwise and that’s the taste of life, who knows what the future has in store for us?!

Botticelli to Titian

On the last day of 2009 Krisz and me visited the large-scale exhibition in the Museum of Fine Arts which shows two centuries of Italian masterpieces. The 130 paintings on show represent the art of over 80 masters, among whom are Leonardo, Giorgione, Raphael, Veronese and Tintoretto on loan to the Museum of Fine Arts from over 50 museums worldwide including the Uffizi in Florence, the Louvre in Paris, the national galleries of London and Washington, the Metropolitan Museum in New York, the Galleria Borghese in Rome and the Prado in Madrid.
We did this especially on the grounds of the fact that Krisz is one of the masters of the exhibition as he printed the art-publication of the exhibition at the specially request of the customer. It’s a thick book of 450 pages and in its case quality was the most important by far as what we are talking about is painting. That’s why I said that he is an artist as well.
We had the opportunity to see one of the most famous and valuable paintings in the world, the emblematic Lady with an Ermine by Leonardo da Vinci and other works that are sensation in themselves. My favourite painting was Fra Bartolomeo Della Porta – Saint Family at Rest because there is a little but important part of it that only a careful eye can discover (or a mother).

I wish everyone to have confidence about the future and have decided prospects for going on and follow your hearts.

(As a matter of curiosity: my phone number is quite correct --> the last four number is 2010.)